First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes... wait, what about that last part?

We all know that one, right? I remember the sing-song teasing on the playground when anyone found out that so and so had a boyfriend or girlfriend. Funny how things like this start at such a young age and feed into the image we picture of "growing up" and what we think it means for our future selves.

I had two serious relationships before Darren and both of those relationships had talk of future plans and even picking out names for kids while on AOL instant messenger under my parents' roof (I am aging myself here) but it was all talk. I really do believe that people come into your life for a reason and that you meet people when you need them-not necessarily when you want to, and here is why I say that...

I met Darren literally DAYS after mutually ending an engagement. I was excited to be single and had plans of eventually becoming a travel nurse because I wanted to get the hell out of Ohio sooner rather than later (moving somewhere warmer is still on my to-do list) My ex wasn't a bad guy, just wasn't the one for me and that became super clear once Darren and I formed an almost immediate connection that was unlike any before. Now you might be rolling your eyes and this blog isn't meant to be some rom-com but I feel like you need all of this background information to help pull things into context. I was about to turn 21 and would be starting my senior year of nursing school at OSU when Darren and I met through a mutual friend. Darren is two years older than me so he already had his first big-boy job and was living two hours away from Columbus. Ironically his parents lived just 10 minutes down the road from mine, but we never met in our younger days back home because we went to different schools-had to throw that detail in because I personally find it funny.

Anyhow, we talked non-stop and saw each other almost every single weekend while doing the "distance thing". He opened the door for me, he paid for a parking ticket that I couldn't afford as a broke college student and he accepted me AS I WAS. I told him everything about me including the not so great things that I would rather have not had to share (we all have a few of those, am I right?) and they didn't phase him or make him change his mind about me. He was the complete opposite of me in so many ways which created the perfect balance, yet we were the same regarding those core things that can make or break a relationship. I knew he was the real deal and that I had found one of "the good ones" and there was NO WAY that I was going to let him go.

After a year of distance, I got offered my first nursing job and Darren decided he would move to Columbus to be with me. We found a tiny one bedroom apartment and began our life together. Looking back now I appreciate that even more because this man is somewhat OCD, is extremely responsible and loves stability so the fact that he did that for me makes my heart skip a beat. After living together for a bit and knowing that this was it, we got engaged and almost two years later we were married. We were 24 and 26 on our wedding day and were some of the first among our group of friends to tie the knot.

Why am I pointing out our ages throughout this post? I am purposely doing so because we were YOUNG. Nothing wrong with meeting or getting married young, it just plays an important part in our story. When we first met and even on the day we got married, neither of us were thinking about kids. In fact this might shock you but we both distinctly recall the fact that we had NEVER had a serious conversation about kids at this point in our relationship. Crazy, right?

That's a pretty big topic- one that you think would naturally come up with the person you plan to spend the rest of your life with, but it genuinely didn't for us. It wasn't intentional on either of our ends to avoid the topic, it just never happened. We were busy living life, having fun and getting into the groove of being a married couple. Only a few of our friends had a kid at that time and many couples we hung out with still weren't married which meant that the circle we were spending time with for the most part was a kid-free one. So fast-forward to a few years later after we bought our first house, both had stable jobs and were further ahead than I thought we would be and I casually say "so when would you ideally want to have kids, maybe in the next 2-3 years?" and the response I get back is a pause and then, "well, I don't really know if I want to have any"

GULP...

Now I am not saying this to point fingers at Darren. He knows I am putting all of this in my blog and he is fully aware of how it all transpired. We actually had a conversation the other day about this pivotal moment in our #childfreelife and he genuinely was not trying to blindside me with that comment. I'll admit when those words first came out of his mouth, I was a bit shocked and felt somewhat deceived, but how could I be since we had never talked about kids before?! I either was short with him for the rest of the night or gave him the silent treatment which I can't even imagine because I never stop talking. What I do remember is that the next day I shrugged it off. I thought, "he'll change his mind" and "we're still young, none of his friends have kids yet so that is why he feels like this". To myself I was thinking that as long as I had a kid before age 30, I would be happy and still be "on track".

*Spoiler alert* that didn't happen. This single conversation was not the end-all-be-all or the only thing that ultimately led to our decision to be #childfree It was just the tip of the iceberg and I will share more about the other key reasons and factors in future posts. This conversation was important though because it was the very first time I had ever even considered that NOT having kids was an option or a decision that some people made for themselves. Side note, why do we put time limits on things happening like that in our lives? Like how I once thought that I needed to be done having kids by 30. It is actually absurd that we think we can control the timing of everything and I swear that the universe likes to remind us that we aren't in charge every now and then...

See, there are times in your life when you THINK you know how things are going to turn out. Sometimes when events don't unfold in that manner you face disappointment, distress and even heartache. Years ago I may have thought that not having kids meant that I was going to miss out on so much, but now I don't see it that way at all. I know without a doubt that this decision has led to MORE adventure, MORE happiness, MORE freedom and MORE of the things that Darren and I personally want out of our lives and relationship. I also know that there is so MUCH MORE to come!

In closing, I do think having conversations about all major topics (including kids) is a good idea especially if you are with a partner that you are planning a life with. Do I wish we would have had that conversation sooner? Yes. Do I think it would have changed the course of our relationship? I honestly don't know. Do I regret how things have turned out? Absolutely not-I wouldn't have it any other way.

-Holly