Going public

A few weeks ago I received a message on Instagram from someone I didn't know asking about my decision to be childfree. Now this woman was not being rude or mean in any way, she was purely just curious. She started her message off saying that she too was childfree, but that she had never seen anyone indicate that on their IG profile and was basically asking if it was something I advocated for.

My response was simply that I felt it was important to put out there because I want women (and men) to know that it is a perfectly acceptable and normal option. I'm not here to convince anyone that #choosingchildfree is right for them or that having kids is a bad idea. I am just trying to raise awareness that there is an alternative lifestyle available to anyone that may not be 100% set on having children.

I still remember the first time I had a conversation with someone that decided not to have children. I was in college working as a unit clerk in the hospital and I was talking to one of the nurses about her and her husband and I asked if they had kids and her response shocked me at the time. It was something along the lines of "no, and we don't want to have any." At that time I felt like it was an odd response because after all, she was married, had a great career, and seemed to be really happy- so why wouldn't she want to have kids?!

As ignorant as this sounds, I truly didn't know that was even an option. Of course I knew people that were unable to have kids, but I had never had anyone openly share that they were choosing and deciding not to have kids for no particular reason other than they didn't want to.

What a wild concept!

Remember those choose your own adventure books that you may have read growing up? I've always been a big reader and I absolutely loved those! Something like "jump to page 51 if you think you should evacuate town since the volcano is about to explode." or "flip to page 80 if you want to stay and try to save everyone from the hot lava." They were always these extreme situations where you had to help determine how the book would end. Sometimes you would survive as the hero, and sometimes the ending was pretty grim.

Either way, it's not like there was a book related to actual real-life scenarios... "turn to this page if you go to college, get married and have kids." "Go to chapter 5 if you decide becoming a parent isn't for you." Basically, what I'm saying is that we are never really shown or told that there are any other options aside from what society considers to be traditional or "normal" and that is why I openly share about my personal #childfree journey. Since deciding to be so open about it, I've been amazed at the number of friends and strangers that have shared that they are either on the fence themselves or have also decided not to have children.

At the end of the day, I really think that everyone wants to feel like someone else gets them. They want to feel understood. They want to be told it's ok to go against the grain. They want to feel supported and connected to others. And if no one is comfortable enough to share or speak up about a topic in the first place, how can this happen? That is ultimately why I decided to "go public" almost a year ago about the decision to be childfree.

It doesn't seem possible that it's already been a year, but I created this blog and published my first post February 19th 2022. I've had readers from all over the United States and even some from other countries (pretty cool!) I've had some great conversations with people I may have never otherwise crossed paths with. I get giddy anytime I see a notification that there is someone on the site reading what I've posted. I felt moved to provide perspective on a super personal, often misunderstood and highly under shared topic and this little space on the internet has allowed me to do that.

I'm not really sure what my plans are for the blog moving forward. I'm sure you all will get sick of me at some point or I'll run out of things to say (although if you know me, the latter is very unlikely). Whether there's one more post or a hundred more, this blog has served its purpose and that makes me happy.

If nothing else, I hope that it inspires you to share your authentic self with others and confidently choose which chapter you are jumping to next.

-Holly