"free" vs. "less"- is there a difference?

When it comes to not having children, there is a big difference between being #childfree and childless. If you aren't familiar with this, no worries. You aren't alone. Hopefully this post will give some more insight on this topic.

Childfree often refers to someone who makes the decision to not have children for whatever reason, but it isn't because they are unable to. Take myself for example, I have never been diagnosed with infertility issues. I don't even know if I would be able to get pregnant or carry/deliver a child as I have never tried or received any type of testing to determine the likelihood. My ability to have them is irrelevant to my decision.

Childless commonly means that a person does not have children because they are facing circumstances that make them unable to. They and/or their partner have medical or reproductive health issues that prevent them from doing so. This is usually someone who wants biological children but unfortunately is not able to.

I actually asked one of my friends to read this post prior to me publishing it to ensure that I was providing accurate information on this topic and she shared some very insightful feedback and perspective that I had not really considered before, so with her permission, I have included that below:

The first point that she brought up was that the term "childless" may not be the preferred term by those within the infertility community because it can seem like a sad or negative word. I'll admit, I had not really considered that before but I can certainly see why someone might not feel comfortable with that verbiage. So you might see terms such as "childfree not by choice" or even "childless not by choice" used- it is simply a matter of personal preference.

She also stated, "I've learned that much of the childless community become childfree because they stop trying to build their family, not because they no longer want kids but because they are tired of the emotional, financial, physical pain of trying. So therefore, choosing not to have kids but arriving at it in a different way than what you think of as a typical childfree couple" I took that quote directly from the notes she sent me because I truly don't think I could have worded that any better without changing or diluting the impact that it has. What a powerful statement that gives a tiny glimpse into what the journey of someone that finds themselves in that exact scenario must have experienced. I literally read that over and over and felt such emotion from it.

Thank you so much Breanna for not only reviewing the content of this post, but for also providing such meaningful insight!

My heart goes out to anyone that wants to be a parent or wants a child more than anything and isn't able to do so. I truly mean that. I would NEVER wish for someone to experience this despite my personal choice to not have children of my own. My decision to not have children does not mean that I think others shouldn't have them either.

I can't stress enough that it is so important to be sensitive regarding this topic because you have no idea what caused a person to not have children (whether it was their choice or otherwise) It is also important to not assume that everyone that doesn't have kids:

1. doesn't want them

or

2. has fertility issues

You know what they say when you assume things...

I myself am not childless so I can not even begin to understand the emotions and challenges that likely come with that term. I don't pretend that I do. I did not start this blog to compare myself to someone that is childless. I also am not trying to say that my situation is the same/worse/better etc.

I started this blog because many people are simply not aware of this topic because it hasn't personally impacted them and that is okay. The same is true about myself not being able to relate to the many situations or circumstances that others go through. This isn't to point fingers or to place blame. This isn't to look for pity or attention. It is to share my journey and the many factors that led to my ultimate decision to choose the #childfreelife

As people, all that we can do is to try and understand others even if we don't agree with their decisions. Even if we are nothing like them. We can educate ourselves and accept others and respect their choices or circumstances. If you are someone that has children or wants them, great! We can still be friends! If you are someone that is unable to have children and you want them, I am genuinely sorry (sending you the biggest virtual hug) *I am not going down the road of the other means in which people can have children because that is also a very personal decision that has no right or wrong answer and will be different for each individual and couple.

If you are someone who knows without a doubt that you don't want kids or if you have been tossing this idea around, I hope that you find this blog relatable and know that this doesn't make you a bad person. You are not weird or isolated because believe it or not, there are other people that feel the same way! This blog is to create community, raise awareness and give some perspective into why someone may decide that having kids isn't for them.

I also want to say this loud and clear: Your desire or ability to have children does NOT define you as a person. You are no less of a man or woman because of your decision or circumstance. You are valuable and have so much to offer the world just as you are! Never let anyone (including yourself) make you feel any differently.

No matter your situation or decision on the topic of children, you are welcome here!

-Holly