Sitting there picking grass

Both houses that we have owned have literally been right next to an elementary school or park. That of course comes with some perks like walking trails, best view of local fireworks, etc. It has also been a great reminder that I really enjoy my evenings and weekends just the way they are...

I can't tell you how many times we drove by that school on a Saturday and saw parents crowded around the makeshift soccer field to watch their kids "play" in an early morning game. By play I really mean 1 or 2 that know what they are actually doing while a few others are sitting crisscross applesauce (that is still the politically correct term for that seated position, right?) picking at the grass. It is almost comical because I literally think to myself, these poor parents are getting up at the ass-crack of dawn to support their child that doesn't even have a clue how to play the sport or what is going on. Some of these kids are in la-la-land enjoying the breeze on their face or maybe the rain or snow depending on what sport and what season we are talking about, which is a whole other issue for me because your girl is NOT a cold weather fan.

I can't even imagine the time spent and/or money for these kids to be involved in these activities. The driving to and from practice, all of the games, providing snacks when it's your turn- but of course you have to be mindful to not bring anything with nuts or any other allergies and keep in mind all of the special diets that are out there nowadays. That alone could be enough to drive me absolutely insane because I am no Betty Crocker.

And don't get me wrong, being involved in sports and activities is HUGE and very needed in my opinion. Growing up in a tiny town in a school that fit all of K-12 in one building (I am not even kidding about that) I was involved in almost everything that I could be. Because in a town like that, you NEED almost every kid to be in 2-3 activities or else you wouldn't have enough people to even have a team or put on a musical! So in high school for example I ran track, cheered during football and basketball season, was on the yearbook committee, was in show choir/women's choir/regular choir (all of the choirs we had basically), I was on the honor roll and the National Honor Society, I was also involved in our yearly musical/play. No wonder as adults we are so used to running on "E" and thinking that is totally normal! Which is just not sustainable or healthy, but I will try to not go off on a tangent about that...

Being involved in activities or team sports help teach kids about discipline, hard work, teamwork, commitment- all of the things! And I support it 1000%! What I am not a fan of however, is that it takes up basically every free moment that you have as an adult or a kid for that matter. Most of us have full-time jobs that we work and might get the chance to have a few hours each night to you know, do things that are required of us such as: cook dinner, keep the house clean, prepare for the next day, maybe workout, perhaps spend some quality time with our significant other or family. But then you are telling me that on top of ALL of those things, we are still expected to forget about any type of relaxation or self-care because we need to run Susie or Timmy clear across town to practice?! How about letting kids also breathe from time to time and enjoy simply being a kid?! I get that a lot of kids WANT to be in activities which is great and a better alternative than sitting in front of a TV all day playing video games, but I still think teaching balance is important.

The part I really can't get on board with is the shaming that goes along with it. If someone doesn't stay at practice to watch they are "a bad parent who clearly doesn't care about their kid" (insert eye roll). Their kid then gets their practice gear or uniform filthy so when they get home it has to immediately get washed up and ready to go for the game tomorrow that you might be LUCKY to make it to on time if you get to leave work when you are supposed to. I have to say that it really chaps my ass when parents get judged if they can't make it to every single little thing. I feel for you all and I sincerely mean that!

Darren and I have joked that if we did have children, they would not be making the all-star team of basically anything unless some miracle occurred or unless we started them in a sport as soon as they could walk and dumped massive amounts of money into personal coaches etc. As mentioned previously, Darren and I are both from tiny schools and although we had talent and had some great accomplishments in those sports/activities we were also big fish in a small pond and we both understand that. How can I say that you might ask? Well take for example that I was a very fast runner, in fact I got first place in our entire county for certain sprints during track season. When I qualified for state semi-finals and went up against girls from much bigger schools, I just couldn't hang. They faced tougher competitors every single day and whooped my ass on that track. It was quite a humbling experience although it wasn't as enlightening in the moment.

I am so fired up as I type this because although it might seem like I am bashing you for having your kids in extra-curricular activities, I'm really not. I am advocating for YOU when I say these things because you should be cut some slack and be able to enjoy the tiny amount of free time that you get any given day without feeling guilty! Aren't you all exhausted?! I literally can't imagine how people with more than one kid do it. Then there are families that have multiple kids that are involved in several activities. What is the secret to keeping this ship running smoothly? Do you clone yourself?! Like truly, I am asking because I have no idea how you manage it all without losing your mind or sanity.

For me? I personally enjoy a nice quiet morning during the weekend when I don't have to set an alarm clock and can stir whenever my body feels ready. I like to be able to take my time sipping on coffee and easing into my day. If I want to turn around and take a nap an hour after I have been up, well I am going to do it and not feel bad about it. I enjoy random date nights during the week when I text Darren and see if he wants to meet up somewhere for happy hour on his commute home from work. I like being able to make plans on the whim with friends. Literally, a friend once texted me with less than an hour's notice seeing if I wanted to grab drinks to which I was able to reply instantly "sure thing- see you soon!" I love being able to go to concerts or take trips during times that wouldn't always be convenient if I had a kid in school that I had to worry about their schedule. Does this make me selfish? Maybe. But I seriously enjoy these moments when I can focus on doing what makes ME happy. What brings me peace, joy, fulfillment.

When your kid makes the winning basket, is the spelling bee champ or blows the crowd away with their piano solo I am sure that you are beaming with pride- and you should be. They would not be as successful as they are without you cheering them on and helping them make it to all of the practice, games, rehearsals, performances etc. But please don't forget to show yourself some love, support, patience, grace and clap for your damn self from time to time!

Please don't feel bad for me that I will miss out on knowing the feeling of being a proud parent. I am doing just fine and am content with my decision of #choosingchildfree. I'll wave to you from my yard. Sitting with my feet in a bucket full of water, soaking up the sunshine, music playing through my speaker, with a cold drink in my hand as you drive by on your way to the park for that game or practice. And in that moment, I will genuinely be hoping for your sake that your kid is not just sitting there picking grass.

-Holly